Johnny The Head

Bill Chappell


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Johnny was born with only a head, his life was pretty shoddy

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It’s really hard to have any fun when you ain’t got nobody


It broke his Mom and Daddy’s heart to see him sad and blue

All he could ever wear was a hat, no shirt, no pants, no shoes


On his 18th birthday, his Papa said, “Son, now you deserve some cheer.”

“I’m gonna take you down to the bar and buy your very first beer.”


Papa carried him in, set him on the bar, and the bartender smiled and said,

“You sure you want this kid to drink? It’s gonna go straight to his head.”


Johnny drank his very first beer. He said, “Man, that was good!”

Papa said, “Would you like another one?” Johnny said, “I sure would!”


Papa said, “It might make you dizzy, but if it does – what the heck.”

Johnny drank that second beer, and POOF! – he grew a neck!


Johnny said, “Gimme another one! This ain’t doing me no harm.”

He chug-a-lugged that third beer, and POOF! – he grew shoulders and arms!


Johnny got real excited, and guzzled another pitcher of beer

And right before their very eyes, POOF! – he completely disappeared!


There was dead silence in the barroom. You could-a heard the temperature drop

Papa just stood there crying, overcome with shock.


He said, “What in the world have I done? Mama’s gonna shoot me dead!”

The bartender said, “It ain’t your fault. He should-a quit while he was ahead.”